sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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