God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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