What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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