My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize