Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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