Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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