Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
