god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize