I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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