Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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