I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
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I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
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MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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