Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
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I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
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The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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