am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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