i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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