sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
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I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
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Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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