yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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