But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
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i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
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We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
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