wrigley field is MILF paradise
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called his prostate his "boner button".
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize