I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
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His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
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YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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