Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
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I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
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Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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