I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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