I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
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We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
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After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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