he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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