The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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