Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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