I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
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You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
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A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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