You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
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I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
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they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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