My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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