and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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