he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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