So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I need to stop coming to work sober
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
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I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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