not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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