Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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