....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
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I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
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Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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