A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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