It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize