are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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