you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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