Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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