I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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