as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
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No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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