Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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