I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize