he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
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Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
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Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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