my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
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I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
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whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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