my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize