the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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