I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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