exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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