Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Someone signed my nipple.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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