the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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